Am I the right wife for you still?

25645782673_c26915f1c6_o

I am flesh and bone and fallible. You knew this when you said yes.

I am passion and obsession and emotion. You knew this when you asked me to wed.

I am soft and hard and driven. You whispered that you loved this about me when we were young.

But when the affection is lacking, when time poverty leaves little room for love leisure and when in the midst of being everything – woman, wife, worker – you find me lacking. I wonder, am I the right wife for you?

Marriage is hard.

Being married to me might be harder. I’m quite open about my shortcomings.  But I learned from your lips my strengths. My beauty. My possibility. That’s why it hurts so much when you are all fear, and frantic and fault finding.

There were a million things about you I find slightly repugnant.

There were a trillion things about you that makes me swoon.

I was comfortable with that ratio of good to bad, so I said yes.

But now I must ask if I’m the right wife for you. (more…)

Women of Color, Wonder Woman and Underrepresentation

Entertainment Weekly dropped an exclusive first look at the new Wonder Woman Film and I am the definition of heated.

 


My blood is boiling.

I’m filled with rage.


It’s Easter week and I’m wishing evil upon this franchise, compromising my ability to take communion soon. None the less, I hope that Wonder Woman experiences Fantastic Four level reviews. I’m praying that they experience Gods of Egypt level box office results. I want this franchise to fail because the erasure of people of color should no longer be profitable.

sigh

(more…)

Lazy Saturdays and Shady Husbands

Family Time Southern California

Today we took our kids to Karate. This is always a pleasure because our children are slightly wild and I quite enjoy watching the sensei try to convince my son that fighting is a measure of last resort and our daughter that she should do more than stand there and stare at him blankly as he tries to break her out of her shell. I don’t intervene, I’m paying this man good money to instruct my offspring in the martial arts. So I sit, observe and snicker in the background while my husband fights the urge to pick up our son by his scruff when he gets too out of hand.

These are some of the best moments. Lazy Saturdays.

Afterward, we go to the nearby park and I am ready. I’m wearing my best kicks (those bright green Asics trainers), jeans with stretch, and even brought my resistance band. I’m prepared to play with the family and get a low key workout. (more…)

When Your Outfit Inexplicably Makes You Look Fat

Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

Today I busted out this shirt that I just love from H&M. It’s bold, has this funky tribal print vibe going, and it cost me $10. Essentially the fashion trifecta for me: bold, funky, cheap.

I love this shirt; I’ve taken some of my favorite selfies in it and posted them to Instagram, so you know it’s real.

Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

I was feelin’ myself today. You know what that means. Outfit of the day (OOTD) photo shoot.  So I opted to go into work a little later to “take my daughter to school”. I had to involve her; she was also feelin’ herself because she was wearing her favorite jean on jean outfit. Plus, it looks less vain if you have a child in the photo, one of the perks of parenting – you can mask your vanity with your children. But I digress. (more…)

Slow Simmering Mom Rage

Processed with VSCOcam with a6 preset

It’s nearly 9 PM and my husband is working late, a rare occurrence. I arrived home early today, a far rarer occurrence. As soon as I walked through the door, my sister wordlessly traded off responsibility of the children and disappeared with a stealth that would shock ninjas.

I’ve been doing this mom thing the past 3.5 hours alone and I feel this rage bubbling deep within my mind and spirit.

I’ve been clocking 8-12 hour work days with a low grade fever for the past three days. Not mindless busy work, but ANALYTICS. CODING. DECISONING. PROBLEM SOLVING. Fracking demanding work while staving off flu-ish fatigue.

Now my kids are annoying me and they keep asking for things like a 3rd after dinner snack, candy, and for me to brew them some green tea sweetened with honey.

My daughter screamed: “I don’t like this movie,” while Pride and Prejudice played in the background on Netflix… Blasphemy.

Both kids keep talking to me about cartoon characters.

They keep giggling as they climb on me and I feel like a dog surrounded by newborn pups who don’t understand the WERK I just put in.

I feel annoyed.

I FEEL ANNOYED!

They are laughing and partaking in the loudest horseplay known to mankind and I’m just over it.

It’s 9:15 and I just clearly stated it was time to go to bed. They giggled and climbed on either side, disrespecting all my personal space.

I feel my limited dambs slowly dissipating into the atmosphere. (more…)

What To Do When People Come For You and You Didn’t Send For Them

RaisingSefl

When people come for you and you didn’t send for them.

When people help put sh*t on you you weren’t meant to carry.

I’m a Christian and there is this general Southern Baptist rule that cursing is bad and I avoid expletives at all cost but today is not that day. Yesterday I was blindsided by negativity. I felt burdened, and I felt hurt, and I felt powerless.

I had the wind knocked out of me after being on this natural life high. After a year of near fruitless striving and slightly aimless nation building, I spent nearly a week with creatives, innovators, and community changers. People walking with authority in the belief that anything is possible and a few people could be a significant force for positive change in a world filled with vile and horrible things. A group of people who cared about poverty, gender inequality, the environment, and general human hardship and were doing big and small things to address these issues and these people became my tribe. YES JESUS! They choose me, welcomed me, nurtured me, taught me the secret hand shake and became my freaking people. My StartingBloc fellowship has been life-giving!

The past few weeks, every idea I was too afraid to speak aloud, if I simply spoke it in the right people’s presence, platforms were built and people became willing to collaborate.  Everyday since, I have been in balance. Doing my thing during the day in my corporate gig. Coming home and being present with my family. Trying to do my wifey thing extra right. And slaying my nighttime entrepreneur thing. I was running on the fuel of God’s presence, self-confidence and community. I was on my super hero -ish. I was kicking butt and taking names.

I do it well

(more…)

Preparing for Single Awareness Day 2017

dat

It’s March, Valentine’s Day 2016 is truly over and almost completely forgotten, Yay!

I say Yay, and I mean Yay – though I am not single.

The “holiday” as a whole has little to do with love and lots to do with buying heart shaped things and gaudy overpriced flowers. The holiday is a drain on financial and mental resources for many a husband or serious boyfriend trying to impress or just avoid the wrath of disappointment. I understand and empathize.

Valentine’s season is also a time where folks become slightly obsessed with their relationship status. Masses of the “taken” flood your Facebook and Snapchat feeds with (often faux) displays of the joy of romantic love. On the other side, a fair population of the single overcompensate by celebrating their independence. Then there are other who openly display Single Awareness Day (SAD)-triggered depression.

As the resident relationship adviser for my circles, many a chick has posed the question: “where all the eligible, monogamous, well-educated, strong income earning, handsome men?” My husband said it best:

The biggest tension in loving, and loving well, lies in your ability to hold fast to your personal standards while simultaneously letting go of your unrealistic expectations of others.

The letting go of unrealistic expectations also goes for courting and dating as well. Maybe you’re single because you enjoy it (that was totally me). Maybe you’re single because the right one has yet to come along and you aren’t the type to settle (YASSSSS). Maybe you’re single because your priorities and/or romantic expectations are skewed. For those who might just have flawed love proprieties, I want to start a discussion about a few common areas, that once addressed, could help you make significant gains in how, who, and why you date or choose to remain unattached: to help avoid the drama and/or depression of Valentine’s Day in 2017: (more…)

Why Barnes & Noble is Destined to Fail

Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

“I’m so done with Barnes & Noble, they had the audacity to insult a bookworm!”

I mumbled this as I typed a vicious review on Yelp. Why would anyone Yelp a chain like Barnes & Noble, no idea, but it made me feel in-control, it made me feel better.

I’m an avid reader. My reading game is serious, check my Goodreads account — it doesn’t even include all the books I’ve read or  own. My palette is diverse, though I have a propensity for science fiction, I read everything from YA series to historical biographies (the recent one on Catherine the Great is life-giving). I read/listen to at least one book a month, with my all time max being 7 books during a 4-week period. I buy books, actually I horde books. I romanticize bookstores, prior to meeting BAE, I always fantasized about meeting a hot slightly eccentric but very sweet guy at a bookstore and having a love affair of literary proportions. I actually follow hot dudes reading on Instagram. The long and short of it is, I’m a true bibliophile.

I harbor a certain romanticism about bookstores in general. My favorite thing to do when I travel is to visit a local bookstore, mostly the small business owner kind where you might find used editions and unique caffeinated drinks for sale (the stuff romance novels are made of).

Wonder Book & Video

Wonder Book & Video

So why do I hate Barnes & Noble? How did they insult me? Why do I predict their imminent (and continued) failure unless they make some changes?

Travel back in time with me to a few weeks ago… (more…)